some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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