I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
