every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
