He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize