I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
