I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
