she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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