The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
