listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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