Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
