The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
wow bdsm is so cute
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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