Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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