i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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