I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
