Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
