I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
