As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
