I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
