Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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