i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
