Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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