she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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