just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
