Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
