I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
