Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
