she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize