She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
