I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
