booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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