I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
