dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
