The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
