i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You are a genius and a whore.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
