Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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