Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
