Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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