Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
