I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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