if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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