She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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