You can't special order awesome
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
