i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
