Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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