Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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