i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
