Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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