yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
