need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
