I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
