You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
