Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
