those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
