Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
