i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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