I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize