i may or may not be watching the land before time
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
