i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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