i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
