my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
