Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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