I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
