let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
