you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize