I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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