Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
