cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize