I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize