What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
