I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
