Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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