$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
