Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
