you traded sex for a burrito?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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