You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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