I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
