the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize