he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
