Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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