i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
